Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
