White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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