Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Operation Purity has been aborted
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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