a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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