he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
