it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize