im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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