Say something about gay babies.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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