spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
