How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize