Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
