I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
