Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
high people should be assigned attendants
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
