If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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