Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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