she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
