So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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