they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love having hate sex.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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