you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
