standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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