fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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