having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
