He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
