The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Farmville is her only friend.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
