i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
