she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize