Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
