he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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