dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
