OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
