I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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