dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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