i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My bed smells like the plague
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
