the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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