Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
