You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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