im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
