I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
