Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
