I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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