does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
