I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
