yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
