Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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