Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize