I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
