yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
BRING THE BAGELS
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
