I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
love makes seman taste better
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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