Don't you send me to vm
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize