I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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