No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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