So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
