i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
