I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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