the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
