Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
