I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I want her autograph on my taint
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
