Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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