just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
