He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We have so much sex to catch up on
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have fence marks all over my body
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
