My liver just broke up with me...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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