...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
