just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
