I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
