He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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